Delusions, Illusions, and Elusions
by NotAContrivance
Summary: Slight Season IV Spoilers. Challenge piece. Like a mini soap opera, if you will...


Delusions and Illusions  
  
Okay, my friend Sarah was bored and so she offered me this challenge. *giggles* And Wheee, it was fun.I put my own spin on it, anyways.This contains brief Season 4 spoilers.Sort of.  
  
Requirements: (this is kinda where the spoilers come in) So Luke and Nicole get married on the cruise, and when they come home, Lorelai is understandably distraught. So in the typical Lorelai fashion, she gets married. Pick either Alex or Max as her hubbie-to-be. Then when hubbie and Lorelai get back from Hartford and the justice of the peace with Babette and Maury as their witnesses, they go into Luke's diner. Luke kinda freaks in his own Lukey way, and Nicole catches Alex's eye...  
  
Had LOADS of fun writing this. Really.It's like a soap opera. Don't take this seriously. Well, not much of it anyways.  
  
***  
  
Lorelai waltzed into the diner. She ran and hugged Luke tightly. She was about to kiss him when suddenly Nicole (in a robe of course) walked down the stairs.  
  
"Luke, let's celebrate our wedding again," Nicole demanded.  
  
Lorelai did not move. Luke's eyes widened. Nicole ran up to the couple and pushed them apart. She stood between the two.  
  
"Luke, WHAT are you doing with that hussy? You're married to ME, not her!" Nicole said bossily.  
  
"I cannot believe that you would go and get married without me! Because everyone knows that we've never dated and I've kept you celibate long enough," Lorelai said angrily, slapping Luke hard across the face.  
  
Lorelai's eyes flitted from the ring on Nicole's finger to it's mate on Luke's hand. She gasped and ran backward, where she ran into Jess. The coffee pot fell from his hands and spilled all over the both of them. Lorelai turned and gasped before screaming and running from the diner. Jess laughed.  
  
"Try telling him that. He's been in love with her since before you arrived," Jess said bluntly.  
  
**  
  
"Hello? Alex? Look, I know we stopped dating a while ago, but I need you! My safety net got married! I need you to marry me so I can get pregnant with your child and make him jealous!" Lorelai yelled, hopping in her car and driving to her house.  
  
Alex was silent over the line for a minute.  
  
"Sure, Lorelai! I mean, we're soul mates! We've got matching hair! We're meant to be together! I'm already at your house, as I've been waiting here the past three months for you to arrive. And guess what? My uncle, who's a justice of the peace, is right here next to me!" Alex said excitedly.  
  
Lorelai smiled.  
  
"Thanks, Alex! I'll get my neighbors as witnesses. Just give me thirty minutes to get ready! It's a very good thing Mom put that wedding dress in my closet secretly. Wait, was I supposed to know that?" Lorelai said, hanging up and throwing her car into park.  
  
**  
  
"And, through the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!" Alex's uncle Bob said happily, sprinkling rose petals on the kissing couple.  
  
Alex and Lorelai broke apart, both grinning, but for different reasons. They ran off together upstairs for about ten minutes and then arrived in different clothes (well, Lorelai anyways). Lorelai grinned, because she had had a LOT of champagne and was very drunk.  
  
"To Luke's to flaunt our new love! Because I cannot hurt that man enough if I tried!" Lorelai hollered.  
  
**  
  
Lorelai barged in the diner for the second time that day. Luke, upon seeing her, stopped making out with Nicole. Nicole saw Lorelai and rolled her eyes, clutching her robe tighter around her.  
  
"Can't you see that we're busy? He won't drop EVERYTHING for you, you know. I'm the one who he can have!" Nicole said cattily.  
  
Lorelai smiled and flashed her HUGE diamond ring.  
  
"Well, I'm taken too! So HA!" Lorelai mocked.  
  
A look of horror crossed Luke's face and he screamed. Everyone covered their ears. Luke promptly went into cardiac arrest and fell to the floor. Now, EVERYONE was worried. Nicole caught Alex's eye.  
  
"You're pretty. But I prefer raven-haired brunettes. But redheads ARE better than blondes," Alex said mindlessly.  
  
Nicole smiled and scowled and smiled and scowled at Alex.  
  
"Well, now that my husband's dead, I'm looking for a new one. Preferably in the coffee business, like yourself," Nicole flirted.  
  
Lorelai glared at her.  
  
"Hey! He's mine! Luke was mine before YOU got to him too!" Lorelai screamed at Nicole.  
  
They got in a slappy fight. Alex stood and watched. Meanwhile, Rory ran in, pulled some paddles from her bra and put them on Luke's chest, trying to shock his heart back into beating. No one noticed this.  
  
"It's not my fault you wouldn't go out with him. And he only asked me out because you were dating Alex!" Nicole yelled, pulling Lorelai's hair.  
  
Lorelai and Nicole screamed loudly. Everyone covered their ears even harder.  
  
"Choose!" Nicole and Lorelai barked.  
  
Alex looked between the two of them and shook his head.  
  
"You're nice women and all, but I just like Luke more," Alex said calmly.  
  
He stared at Luke. Lorelai didn't have time to scream.  
  
"Oh, good. Because, it was never about them, Lorelai. I love you!" Nicole declared.  
  
Lorelai was about to scream, but Rory beat her to the punch.  
  
"NOOOO! He wasn't supposed to die. You were supposed to marry Mom and make me a big sister! NOOOO!" Rory screamed, sobbing.  
  
Lorelai screamed.  
  
**  
  
Lorelai woke up, still screaming. Rory, who was next to her, shot up and bonked her head on the bunk bed above their bed. She started screaming too. Fortunately, Lorelai calmed down and Rory's head stopped hurting before they could wake in the hostel from their slumber. Rory turned to her mother.  
  
"Whasamatter?" Rory asked, voice full of sleep.  
  
Lorelai smiled tiredly and bit her lip.  
  
"I had a dream. Cell phone please?" Lorelai asked nervously.  
  
Rory nodded sleepily and handed her the phone. Lorelai licked her lips and dialed the number of the cell phone Luke had given her. She waited, and heard not one, but two rings. Before the third could sound, Luke picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Luke Danes speaking. Who is this?"  
  
Lorelai bit her lip.  
  
"Luke, it's Lorelai," Lorelai replied quickly.  
  
There was a brief silence.  
  
"Oh. Hi, Lorelai. Why are you calling at 3:47 in the morning your time?" Luke asked grumpily.  
  
Lorelai's eyes widened.  
  
"Sorry. It's like 12 over there, isn't it?" Lorelai responded calmly.  
  
Luke nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Look, Luke?" Lorelai asked uncertainly.  
  
"Yeah?" He responded tiredly.  
  
Lorelai swallowed.  
  
"Don't propose," Lorelai said, words rushing from her mouth.  
  
Over the line there was an awkward silence. Luke's mouth gaped open.  
  
"What?" Luke stressed, confused and feeling déjà vu.  
  
Lorelai swallowed again. She breathed into the receiver.  
  
"I had a dream, Luke. It was awful," Lorelai sighed.  
  
Luke frowned.  
  
"What does this have to do with me not marrying Nicole?" Luke asked quietly.  
  
Lorelai sighed.  
  
"Everything," Lorelai whispered.  
  
Luke was beyond confused.  
  
"I'm afraid I don't understand, Lorelai," Luke said confusedly.  
  
Lorelai grimaced.  
  
"Okay, fine. You married Nicole in my dream. And I swear, all that came after that was like an episode of Passions!" Lorelai said tensely.  
  
Luke sighed and shook his head.  
  
"I told you that watching soap operas was bad for your brain. And see, your brain is taking it out on your subconscious. And how'd you know that I was going to propose to Nicole anyways?" Luke lectured.  
  
Lorelai shrugged.  
  
"You take the fun out of everything, you know that? Anyways, and I married Alex after that. And you died. And Alex turned out to be gay and so did Nicole. And it was scary! You can't marry her!" Lorelai rambled.  
  
Luke frowned over the line and fingered the ring in his pocket. He'd either get married to Nicole or break up with her tonight.  
  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't," Luke responded, breath catching in his throat.  
  
Nicole would be in here any second now. Lorelai bit her lip and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"You don't love her," Lorelai blurted.  
  
Luke raised his eyebrows.  
  
"How do you know that?" Luke asked curiously.  
  
Lorelai sighed boredly.  
  
"You told me!" Lorelai said exasperatedly.  
  
Luke shook his head.  
  
"Why should that deter me, Lorelai?" Luke asked calmly.  
  
Lorelai bit her lip.  
  
"Because.Because you're in love with somebody else!" Lorelai exclaimed.  
  
Luke smiled over the line.  
  
"Who?" Luke asked amusedly.  
  
Lorelai wracked her brain and then went with what her dream (and everyone else) had told her.  
  
"Um.Me?" Lorelai replied unsurely.  
  
Luke smiled.  
  
"Very good," Luke replied jovially.  
  
Luke paused, as Lorelai was still in silence.  
  
"So, do you love me?" Luke asked bluntly.  
  
Lorelai blinked.  
  
"I don't know, I'd have to fall back asleep to find out," Lorelai flirted.  
  
Luke smiled.  
  
**  
  
Suddenly, though on separate continents, the two awoke. Luke awoke to an angry Nicole in a fancy dress in Juno. Lorelai awoke with a bump on the head (just as lethal as an angry Nicole) in Moscow.  
  
Lorelai slid from the bed and grabbed her cell phone. Luke got up from the chair, smoothed his suit and dropped the temporary cell phone in it's pocket. Luke promised Nicole that he'd be back and that he just had to run an errand. Lorelai shakily dialed the numbers and made coffee.  
  
Luke returned the ring to the jewelry salesman and his phone rang. Lorelai finally got ahold of Luke.  
  
"Hey, Lorelai," Luke whispered.  
  
Lorelai was stunned.  
  
"Don't marry Nicole," Lorelai breathed.  
  
Luke smiled softly.  
  
"I won't," Luke sighed.  
  
Lorelai's face broke into a smile.  
  
"Good," Lorelai murmured.  
  
Luke smiled.  
  
"Yeah. Hey, when we get back, we should go out," Luke replied in an undertone.  
  
Lorelai swallowed. Luke shook his head.  
  
"No, I don't think you understood me. I meant us. Together," Luke stated bluntly.  
  
Lorelai blinked and frowned.  
  
"I'm afraid we can't do that," Lorelai said blankly.  
  
Luke's brow furrowed.  
  
"Why?" Luke asked, very confused.  
  
"Because-" Lorelai began.  
  
**  
  
Luke woke up, for real this time. It had all been a dream. He looked over to the phone in his and Nicole's cabin. He sighed in relief.  
  
But then, the phone rang.  
  
**  
  
- Loren ;*  
  
REVIEW! You like?  
  
1:12. 


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